Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
