I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
