Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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