fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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