I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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