the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
not ubering you a puppy
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
