my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
