Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
