if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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