i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
