just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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