You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
