I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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