I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
