Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
