I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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