I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
