This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hippo gnu deer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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