I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
