I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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