The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
