She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
