you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
