what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
