I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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