Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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