I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
