her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
