I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
