life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.