i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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