i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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