i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
