I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
