Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
