Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
