then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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