Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize