Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
