3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
