We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
