hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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