I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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