Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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