Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
