I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
