My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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