I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
