Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
