I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
