Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
