Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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