i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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