i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
