guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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