Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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