I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
that is very illegal...i love you.
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