I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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