community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
