Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
