I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my being single is dangerous.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
