Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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