I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
