I skipped work to stalk him.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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