Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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