what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
