Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
