if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
