Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
