went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
