So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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