Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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