OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
