you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
