my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
