it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i have herpe
just one?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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