Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
