So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
