just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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