so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
