3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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